A Cat Named April

Because of the crazy unpredictable way these last two months have been, my cat April has been staying with my cousin Andrea, her husband Terri, and their two little girls. I'm so grateful to them for taking in April, it's not always easy to find good people to take care of the four-legged family members.

Let me tell you a little bit about my relationship with April. Without sounding overly dramatic, she saved my life. When I moved into my new apartment, I knew I wanted a kitty to keep me sane. Someone I could come home to and look forward to seeing and that's exactly what April was. She is playful, funny, energetic, and she talks a lot. I remember coming home and she would peak around the corner and coming prancing in the living room to greet me.

I saw her for the first time since dropping her off by Andrea's a couple of weeks ago and it was like she didn't know me. She wouldn't let me pet her or rub her tummy. She wasn't as playful, but seems stand-offish and on edge. We think she is having a hard time with the girls, since she hasn't been around children, but I can't help but feel somewhat responsible for her behavior change. Abandoned may be a strong word to use, but I certainly feel like she is angry about something. For me, it's okay that my life is a off course, but to affect another living creature and to change her way of life...well, I just feel bad.

It all seems rather silly to be going on about this, but April was my comfort during a tough and stressful year. She made me smile through tears and distracted me from the busy-ness of life. She reminded me of the simple things when life got complicated. I'm now even more motivated to start over and find us a place to call our own again. I hope to find it soon.

Until next time...

Finding meaning in finding a job

This past week has brought about many different conversations about the difficulties and struggles people go through while job searching. Thankfully, I am doing my job search along with other wonderful past colleagues and friends. We are able to reflect about our days of emails, job sites, revising cover letters, filling out lengthy online applications, and what we do with the other 20 hours in our day. I've been hearing myself say "There is NOT a handbook on this," but I think there are nuggets of wisdom I have learned.

1) It's a new beginning--which sounds rather susie sunshine to someone who was second runner-up for a job of her dreams (this happened three times...). Once some financial ducks are in a row (and everyone's may differ here), it's a chance to think about what you want for the next chapter of your life. What are your passions? What inspires you? What truly makes you happy? There may be a new job of my dreams out there.

2) Move forward and remind yourself to move forward when you look back and start to think about what you're missing. I've caught myself in this several times. It's move-in week at my prior institution and I think about my students moving to campus and I'm not there. I think about the events I scheduled and planned and I'm not there. I think about all the work I would be doing and I'm not there. I acknowledge these not-so-good, uncomfortable feelings and move on. I can't change the past, I can't be there and that was not my decision. What I hope is that I left those students with good tools and skills and pray that they are in the hands of other professionals who will become mentors for them, like I was.

3) Just be. After working hard for four years, it's good to read a book on the porch, walk in the beautiful weather, grab a cup of iced coffee, and smile. No longer thinking in lists of what I need to do or should do or didn't do or who I'm not or how I've failed or...well, sometimes it's good to just be.

4) Reconnect with mentors, past friends, and colleagues--put the ball in motion for the opportunity to network and tell others how you did what you did for so many years. I find that when I start talking about my career path, I'm energized. My face lights up and others see the commitment, focus, and dedication I had to my job...perhaps this will lead to another opportunity.

5) When you find yourself to far in the dumps, call for back-up. Call your best friends, your mentor, your grandma, or your colleagues. They are there to support you at your worst moments. Open up, let it all out, and chances are you will feel better.

This has helped me and perhaps it can help others. Best of luck to you all!

Sara

A Carrie Post

It has been especially obvious to me this past month that I may have trouble moving on. Moving on from the city I grew up in...friendships that fade...past mistakes. It's very interesting to me that I connect in this way to the outside because it doesn't always feel like I'm connecting, but guarding myself from making those connection. Seems like no matter how much I try, I adapt naturally to my environments, is this a bad thing? Yes, my relationships/friendships are meaningful this way, but it also can be very painful at the same time. Hm. If I accept myself as a "wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve" kinda person, then how can I also keep my cards very close?

Is it bad to want to change a part of yourself you can't really change? *I totally felt like Carrie Bradshaw typing out that question.*