A Long and Windy Road

Hello readers (if there are any left out there)...

Sometimes I don't blog when I want to because I feel like it will be a "negative" or "unhappy" post. Truth is that's how life can be a mix of emotions. I've had several amazing experiences thanks to my friends in the Chicago area. It's been good to reconnect with old friends and meet new ones. I'm both inspired and thankful for those who have stood with me and supported me.

Have I told you yet how much I miss April? In some strange way, I want to find a job and rebuild my life for myself, but also for that little kitty. I know she's happy and loved at my cousin Andrea's, but I miss her and I feel completely silly about it.

I run a 5K on Sunday...let's go Schaller. I haven't been running much so we'll see if/how this will work out for me.

Quotes

When I can't sleep (which is typical these days), I look up quotes from people who are worth quoting because their words mean something to me. Enjoy!

"When pain brings you down, don't be silly, don't close your eyes and cry, you just might be in the best position to see the sun shine." Alanis Morrissette

"Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on."

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power." Alan Cohen

"We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversation with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk."Thomas Moore

"Do not think of a painful experience as a dark time in your life. You emerge out of everything learning something or becoming a better person. You realize who your real friends are and how much your loved ones mean to you." Colleen Ho

"No matter where you go or who you become, never forget who helped you get there. There's never a wrong time to pick up a phone or send a message telling your friends how much you miss them or how much you love them."

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

Wake me up when September ends...

Unfortunately it seems I'm the only person that can answer the question "Can I make this happen? Can I really do this?" and create a plan for how I'm going to get there.

Another month begins...let's make this happen. Whatever "this" is...

A Cat Named April

Because of the crazy unpredictable way these last two months have been, my cat April has been staying with my cousin Andrea, her husband Terri, and their two little girls. I'm so grateful to them for taking in April, it's not always easy to find good people to take care of the four-legged family members.

Let me tell you a little bit about my relationship with April. Without sounding overly dramatic, she saved my life. When I moved into my new apartment, I knew I wanted a kitty to keep me sane. Someone I could come home to and look forward to seeing and that's exactly what April was. She is playful, funny, energetic, and she talks a lot. I remember coming home and she would peak around the corner and coming prancing in the living room to greet me.

I saw her for the first time since dropping her off by Andrea's a couple of weeks ago and it was like she didn't know me. She wouldn't let me pet her or rub her tummy. She wasn't as playful, but seems stand-offish and on edge. We think she is having a hard time with the girls, since she hasn't been around children, but I can't help but feel somewhat responsible for her behavior change. Abandoned may be a strong word to use, but I certainly feel like she is angry about something. For me, it's okay that my life is a off course, but to affect another living creature and to change her way of life...well, I just feel bad.

It all seems rather silly to be going on about this, but April was my comfort during a tough and stressful year. She made me smile through tears and distracted me from the busy-ness of life. She reminded me of the simple things when life got complicated. I'm now even more motivated to start over and find us a place to call our own again. I hope to find it soon.

Until next time...

Finding meaning in finding a job

This past week has brought about many different conversations about the difficulties and struggles people go through while job searching. Thankfully, I am doing my job search along with other wonderful past colleagues and friends. We are able to reflect about our days of emails, job sites, revising cover letters, filling out lengthy online applications, and what we do with the other 20 hours in our day. I've been hearing myself say "There is NOT a handbook on this," but I think there are nuggets of wisdom I have learned.

1) It's a new beginning--which sounds rather susie sunshine to someone who was second runner-up for a job of her dreams (this happened three times...). Once some financial ducks are in a row (and everyone's may differ here), it's a chance to think about what you want for the next chapter of your life. What are your passions? What inspires you? What truly makes you happy? There may be a new job of my dreams out there.

2) Move forward and remind yourself to move forward when you look back and start to think about what you're missing. I've caught myself in this several times. It's move-in week at my prior institution and I think about my students moving to campus and I'm not there. I think about the events I scheduled and planned and I'm not there. I think about all the work I would be doing and I'm not there. I acknowledge these not-so-good, uncomfortable feelings and move on. I can't change the past, I can't be there and that was not my decision. What I hope is that I left those students with good tools and skills and pray that they are in the hands of other professionals who will become mentors for them, like I was.

3) Just be. After working hard for four years, it's good to read a book on the porch, walk in the beautiful weather, grab a cup of iced coffee, and smile. No longer thinking in lists of what I need to do or should do or didn't do or who I'm not or how I've failed or...well, sometimes it's good to just be.

4) Reconnect with mentors, past friends, and colleagues--put the ball in motion for the opportunity to network and tell others how you did what you did for so many years. I find that when I start talking about my career path, I'm energized. My face lights up and others see the commitment, focus, and dedication I had to my job...perhaps this will lead to another opportunity.

5) When you find yourself to far in the dumps, call for back-up. Call your best friends, your mentor, your grandma, or your colleagues. They are there to support you at your worst moments. Open up, let it all out, and chances are you will feel better.

This has helped me and perhaps it can help others. Best of luck to you all!

Sara

A Carrie Post

It has been especially obvious to me this past month that I may have trouble moving on. Moving on from the city I grew up in...friendships that fade...past mistakes. It's very interesting to me that I connect in this way to the outside because it doesn't always feel like I'm connecting, but guarding myself from making those connection. Seems like no matter how much I try, I adapt naturally to my environments, is this a bad thing? Yes, my relationships/friendships are meaningful this way, but it also can be very painful at the same time. Hm. If I accept myself as a "wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve" kinda person, then how can I also keep my cards very close?

Is it bad to want to change a part of yourself you can't really change? *I totally felt like Carrie Bradshaw typing out that question.*

Two steps forward, three steps back...

As I fill out an application for a position in Student Involvement, it asks me about my last position and what I did. Normally, I wouldn't have a problem with this kind of question, but something is different. As I think of my "duties" this past year, instead of bullet points in my head, there are memories and conversations and laughter. I wish I could take snapshots and attach them to my application. I wish I could attach the scripts of conversations with students about life choices, what they learned in the leadership program, how they felt on Spring Break in Miami...but I can't. I miss my job. I wonder what I could have done differently. I think of tasks that I didn't accomplish before I left and my only hope is that I send those thoughts into the opened universe and the new director will catch them.

Oh well, where did I put that "Restart" button? Off to find it...

New beginnings

There are so many new beginnings for family and friends within the past couple of weeks. Lots of pregnancy news, baby that are born, homes created closer to family and friends, new jobs, new condos, new beginnings for a bright future. I hope to be a part of the list of "good news" everyone so eagerly shares. I tend to cringe when asked about my future, but don't want to linger too long in the world of "why? what if...? what could I have done better?" Truth is, I'm a hard-working, smart go-getter and while I have my moments of doubt, I know I'll have some good news to share very soon.

Until then, keep praying and wishing and hoping and breathing...

Are you there Vodka? It's me, Sara.

I pray for patience, comfort, understanding, strength, more patience, happiness, and finally more patience when I think about my future.

And...the drinking helps. :)

Sweet Home Chicago?

Hey all,

I'm living the dream: Chicago cafe, Chai Tea, new Macbook, rainy day. Life is good.

As I walked to the cafe and waited to cross the street, I couldn't help but envision myself living here. The energy of the city, the people, places, shops, cars....all something I imagine for my future. Now to find a job, a place to call my own, and rebuild.

did I mention my chai tea was made with soy? I am so cool.

Personal?

"Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal." You've Got Mail

One of my favorite quotes these days and it has got me thinking about being personal and being professional. I struggle with how these two entities connect to one another. Can you professional and personal at the same time? Can you take things personally in a professional setting? My work life and personal life have mostly been one in the same. My personal cell phone, my work cell phone. My apartment, my office. My friends, my co-workers. I chose this path because I believe in what I do, but when the culture is to be personal, genuine, connect...how to you draw the boundaries with work expectations and personal life? Just got me thinking...

Today I got caught up in thinking about the great times during my high school and college years, specifically performing and the excitement of it all. Once I played a drunken fish mongrel and despite the fact that I had a minor part, something took over, the comic in me came out and there I was ad libbing along the way. Later, I would be reprimanded by the director...oops.

When I teach Zumba, I feel that energy all over again and I feel myself...the confident, happy, honest, genuine girl. I like her and she feels real.

Perhaps there will be presentations and performances in my future. I welcome the chance to prove people wrong.

Sara

And nearly a year later...

Times flies...

A) When you're having fun

B) When you work too much you don't know what day it is

C) Never...especially when the countdown begins before you leave for the next big adventure

D) All of the above

My parents raised me to work hard for what I wanted in life because nothing will ever simply be handed to me. My parents raised me to be humble, responsible, and genuine. What my parents didn't tell me is that somewhere down the road I would encounter the unknown world of politics--people who have an agenda and you are just a obstacle in the way of them getting what they want. People have made me feel less than them and it has stayed with me and lingered. I'm not ever sure what makes them better...maybe it's their fancy cars, pressed suits, fake plastic smiles. Surround yourself will good people and don't let the "mean girls/guys" break your character.

You can still work hard and do everything right and not get what you deserve. This is an unfortunate lesson that I have learned. The take away to this is simply that it's no longer meant to be, it's not the right place anymore and you are ready to move beyond.

"And sometimes you do everything right and something bad just happens. It's as simple, and as scary, as that."
— Anna Quindlen

Saying good-bye has never been easy for me. In fact, I'm more likely to just simply up and go. Not because I'm bitter or resentful, but because it's so hard to say good-bye to people who played such a critical role in my life as a young professional.

This is not how I wanted to leave, but it's the way it is. I'm proud of all I have done and look forward to working in a supportive and challenging environment. Keep you posted.